Reaching Out

Back to the search story...
So by now Aunt Adell has given me a name and number, and I need to make a decision about whether or not to follow through with this. Up to this point it was a bit of an exciting adventure of putting some pieces of a puzzle together, but now this could be the phone call that has the power to change not only my life but many others.

But apparently this is a work number. How does one make that call in a tactful way? How do you break that news to someone, especially since I didn't know what her reaction would be, whether she would be receptive or not? I tried to do a reverse look up to see if I could find the business name in order to email instead, but nothing came up. So I decided to call at night thinking I would get an answering machine that would give me that information.

However, when I called at night, a woman answered and I immediately hung up. Little did I know at that time that Adell had actually given me Pam's home number and I unknowingly had heard the voice of my birth mom for the first time!

It took me a few more days to work up the nerve to call her at work. Would she be the one to answer or could I leave a cryptic message that only she would understand? Would she want to hear from me? Would she be in such shock that she couldn't finish her day of work? I spent some time in prayer and in the Word...Do not be anxious about anything...present your requests to God...the peace of God which transcends all understanding...When I was about to push that last number on the phone keypad, Jess woke up and sauntered down the stairs. I chickened out and hung up. Again. But you know how coincidences, or rather God-incidences have played such a big part in this story so far, here's another one...5 minutes later Adell emails to tell me the type of store that Pam manages, so I search the internet, locate the store and a fax number, then fire off a fax instead. I simply stated that if she remembers a Sherry Lee from Toronto that I am doing well and wish to thank her for what she did for me all those years ago, and then I provided some contact info. That way if someone else read the fax first, her secret pregnancy and existing daughter would not be revealed. Furthermore, I would leave her with my two main objectives in this search - to let her know that I was ok, and to thank her for her giving me life. I knew that if I had the right person, as soon as she saw my birth name she would immediately know who I was, but I had to leave the rest of the reaching out up to her. My part was done.

I had to totally leave this in God's hands. Would there be rejection? Would I be stirring up past hurts and suffering? The Children's Aid report indicated that she was taken advantage of. Would she resent this girl who reminded her of that night? Was she bitter at not only the father but also at me, an inconvenience and interruption in her life? Yes, I had to totally leave this in God's hands, but was praying fervently for a softened heart. And to be honest, a small part of me began to be hopeful that she would be receptive to me reaching out, not only for her sake but also for mine.