Divine Delay

            My head was telling me that I couldn't blame myself for the lost years, because there was no way I could have known Pam and Pierre were looking and waiting for me. But my heart just wouldn't let go of those feelings of guilt and regret. I was an emotional wreck. On the one hand, I was so happy that we had connected, and were even talking about a pending visit, but on the flipside, I was so broken because of the lost years and the heartache I had indirectly caused by not reaching out sooner. There was an element of sadness that was clouding this incredible reunion.

            But God's timing is perfect, and again, nothing happens by chance. God knew that I needed to be reminded that He is ultimately in control and always well aware of what He is doing. Our message at church that very Sunday was “Divine Delay.” Our interim pastor would have had no way of knowing what was happening in my life that week, so I simply sat back and marvelled at God's timing with this encouraging message that I so needed to hear. What a great reminder of how God is working through the wait! Even when things don’t happen as quickly as we would like them to, He has a greater purpose in mind, working in our personal lives and in the lives of others. Would I have been as secure in my adoptive family if CAS had allowed Pamela to have contact with me through those earlier years? Probably not. Would I have fully understood a mother’s heart or had been as strong in my faith if I had connected with her in my early 20’s? Definitely not. Would I have had such a good reception over this reunion from my adoptive mom if Pamela and I were reunited even 5 or 10 years ago? Absolutely not. God knows what He is doing. He was preparing my own heart, solidifying my relationships, and strengthening my faith during this divine delay. I can’t continue to dwell on the what if’s and become bitter over the lost years. I have to trust that God was working behind the scenes, both in my life and in my birth family's, to prepare us for this fantastic reunion and future that we now have ahead of us. God has a sovereign plan, and that brings me such encouragement and comfort knowing that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him." - Romans 8:28.

          Divine delay...just another example of God's amazing grace in this unfolding story.