Led by God

Before I continue with this week's trip, I must backtrack and continue from where I left off in my search for my birth mom.

You will remember that I had hit a dead end with my initial email. And I was ok with that. A little disappointed perhaps, but totally accepting that perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. Well, the very next day, I received an email from this suspected relative. His mother wanted to get in touch with me and was it okay if he passed along my information? Hmmmm, that’s interesting. Maybe someone was having second thoughts. Of course, I’m still thinking this would be my birth mom, so I’m imagining first she denies any knowledge of this situation, but after some reflection she decides to reach out. So yes, sure, please pass along my contact information as well as the entire email.

            Next on the scene: Adell. Although she doesn’t know of a pregnancy and adoption, all the Binns on the island are relatives, so if I was in fact born a Binns, I would be birth family. Could I please send her a picture so that she could check for any resemblance? Oh ok, “mom”, I get it, you’re just testing the waters. Your curiosity has got the better of you and you’d like to check out what I look like as you try to process all of this. Okay, I’ll send you the best pictures I have so that you just won’t be able to resist connecting with this darling and her family!

            The next email confirmed that yes, I do in fact bear some family resemblance, and she will do whatever she can to connect me. Okay, not what I expected. Wasn’t this the point where she was supposed to confess and welcome me with cautious but open arms? Adell and I continued to communicate, and once I realized her age did not match, I must say I was a little disappointed. I thought I had the right family, and to be honest, her positive attitude toward life, her spontaneous laughter in conversation, her evident faith in God made me think, this is it, she’s the one! We’re just so similar that it’s got to be her! But my super sleuthing had not proved correct. However, as we got to know each other better through emails, phone conversations and eventually Skype, she told me she would always be my Aunty Dell and would be there for me no matter the outcome with my birth mother. So at this I already felt my heart swell. She actually recognized me as family, and what a great person in the family tree to be connected to!

            A couple of weeks later, Adell provided for me a name and number for who she believed might be my biological mother, her niece, a daughter of an older brother of hers. When she told me the name, I actually laughed out loud, as the name is the same as an old girlfriend of Ed's - what a weird coincidence!

            Speaking of coincidences, I do believe that nothing happens by chance, even though I will call it a coincidence by name. This familiar name of Pam’s was only one of many along the way. I like to look at what most people see as chances or coincidences as God’s way of perhaps having some fun, or maybe giving us a glimmer of hope and even awe, but most of all, reminding us that He is behind all of this, He is orchestrating all things. Initially, Adell did not want to reach out to me, as she didn’t want to take on someone else’s problems. Having had some recent health issues, she had enough challenges of her own, and what better way to take on more stress than to get involved in a secretive birth and adoption story with a family member. But something kept her coming back to my email. Perhaps it was the fact that she too, has a daughter married for 24 years. Perhaps it was because she also has 4 children just like me. Perhaps it was because her older sister was named Gwendolyn. Perhaps it was because our phone numbers differed by just one digit. Perhaps it was because I reached out to an Andre, oddly enough the same given name of my brother should her hunch be correct. Perhaps it was because I signed off my email with “Blessings” and she felt a kindred spirit with another Christian. Whatever it was, I’m so glad that God was nudging her to get involved. Without Adell, the search would have probably stopped at Andre’s initial response and I would have just continued along my merry way. I may have wondered if that was actually the family, or I may have just resigned myself to the fact that God knows what’s best and a reunion was not meant to be. In any case, the picture of her family that she had sent me was satisfaction enough. I had always claimed I just wanted to be a fly on the wall, observing the family from a distance, so really, this was all I had ever hoped to achieve for my own personal satisfaction.

     It was important that I bring Adell into this story because she hosted our family for the first day and night of our trip. While there I discovered another way that God was nudging her to contact me, and at that point when she told me, I was just overwhelmed with emotion and broke down and cried. She had actually deleted the email originally sent by Andre, as she wanted nothing to do with it. And then she even went as far as to delete the deleted items, but for some reason the computer got stuck on that particular email and just wouldn't disappear. It was then that she knew she couldn't fight it and just had to be obedient and follow through on God's nudging. She came so close to having nothing to do with me, but because she was so certainly led by God, she was able to play such an important part in this search and ultimately in my life. It is an honour and blessing to call her my Aunty Dell and she blessed us with great hospitality, many words of wisdom, scriptural encouragement, lots of laughs, and great big hugs that first day in Bermuda.