This is Amazing Grace

"Who brings our chaos back into order
Who makes the orphan a son and daughter
The King of Glory, the King of Glory" ~ Phil Wickham, from This is Amazing Grace

For the last week or so, I've been very emotional. We sang this song at church a week ago and the tears just started rolling. I'm an orphan again but not really. I'm not a minor, I'm not a child, I'm not without support or care, so I don't really fit the true definition of orphan. But I have lost both my father and now my mother, so in a sense I identify as an orphan, I am a daughter without parents. 

It's been almost two years since my last "In Her Arms" entry, and so much has happened. Sometimes I think I should have blogged more frequently so that I could better remember the details, but on the other hand, it is also good to leave the memories of chaos as a distant fog which slowly dissipates with the rising sun. My adoptive mother passed away just 5 months ago, and today the family will gather by the graveside to lay her remains with my dad's from so long ago. I suppose that's why the emotions have been sneaking up on me over the past week as this final good-bye was approaching. Saying our earthly good-byes brings into reality the fact that we are now the next generation. We have been left with no parents to walk by our side as we journey through life.

So many thoughts swirl around in my mind as I re-read those lyrics. For one thing, my chaos has been brought back into order. Being on the front lines dealing with an aging parent is a challenge in itself, but couple that with having to fight the decades-old demons of addiction and the mind and mood altering effects of dementia and it makes for a wild and crazy ride. As I look back, sometimes I wonder how I made it though in one piece, but here I am, relatively normal with minimal emotional scars, a decent sense of humour, and a thankful attitude. That my friends, is amazing grace.

I am also considerably young to have lost both parents (the first at 15, and now at 50), but as I reflect over how I once was essentially a true orphan, a mere infant without the care of either mother or father, then brought into a loving adoptive family, I can only marvel at the grace and care extended to me. I was also a spiritual orphan, lovingly brought into the family of God through my gracious redeemer Jesus Christ. And God in his infinite wisdom so carefully crafted the pages of my life story so that even as my parents have passed on, He has brought my biological mom back into the picture to stay. While one mother cannot and does not intend to replace the other, and neither does the presence of one nullify the grief of losing the other, it has been a precious gift that I marvel at again and again.

I've often told people that I've been adopted twice. Once into my earthly physical family, and once into my heavenly spiritual family. I suppose now I could even say I've been adopted three times, as I've now in a sense been adopted back into my biological family. 

I am a daughter of Dicky.
I am a daughter of Pam.
I am a daughter of the King of Glory.
Wow. This is amazing grace. 

The Gift of Shirlett

Greetings from beautiful Bermuda!

Today is my last day on this gorgeous island and I've thoroughly enjoyed my spontaneous 5 day visit. While I was able to do the typical tourist trek of visiting Horseshoe Bay (not only once but three times!), there were much more important matters on the island this time around.

You will know through this blog that in 2014 our family met our Bermudian biological family and we were welcomed with open arms. Well, just last year, we discovered that there is a cousin who lives in the States with a very similar story to mine, and she found her birth family as well...the very same family! In fact, our moms were pregnant at the same time, so Shirlett and I are only three months apart. This past Saturday, my beautiful cousin and her charming boys came to the island to meet the extended family for the first time and I was blessed to be a part of that emotional and moving welcome.

It's hard enough to put into words the emotions you feel when someone discovers their biological roots and it ends well. It's even more moving when you know what it's like because you have experienced that yourself but you get to now enjoy it from the other side. I suppose I should have adequate words to express my joy over this reunion since I have been there myself, but for now I only seem to have happy tears.

I have so enjoyed my time here, and I especially cherish the moments that Shirlett and I have been able to compare notes, exchange special glances, and connect on a deeper, emotional level. As we discover more about each other we are finding out more and more incredible similarities - God has been so gracious to give us the gift of one another as we navigate this beautiful journey we call life. ♥

Happy, Happy, Happy Mother's Day!

For me, today was a very unique Mother's Day! Although my adoptive and my biological mothers have had the opportunity to meet twice in the last couple of years, this visit was an extra special one because of the beautiful timing. I was blessed be in the presence of both of these moms this Mother's Day and celebrate what each of them means to me. My heart is overwhelmed and my soul rejoices at what God has done in all of our lives!

Year End Reflections: A Hope and a Future

The initial but discarded draft of this blog entry was much, much longer, and contained many details that would have helped to fill in the blanks about what 2015 was for me, with its unique challenges.

But let's just keep it simple. God knew what I needed and while I didn't know what was in store for me in 2015, He certainly did. And my ever loving Father provides for me in ways that I could have never expected or imagined, especially in the relationship with my birth mom that continues to flourish. She is a real blessing and a treasure given to me at just the right time in my life.

Today, I'm looking back at 2015 and thanking God for not only my faith, family and friends which have all been a great support through the challenges, but most importantly I'm thankful that we can trust in the One who knows the future even when we do not.

Wishing you all a blessed new year. Be encouraged!

Rights and Freedom, But at What Cost?

The most recent Saturday Star (August 1, 2015) ran an article about RU-486, the abortion pill, and while this blog is primarily about my search and subsequent reunion with my birth mom, I can't help but reflect on how differently things could have turned out for me.

You see, rather than look to abortion as a solution, my birth mother chose adoption for me.
Rather than death, she chose life.

The article speaks about the abortion pill being a "private tool of freedom" for women, and the writer, Heather Mallick, even addresses children in this article, impressing upon them that it's important to know every right that they have now has been hard-won. Really? How about the freedom for the unborn child? How about the rights of the unborn child? We live in a world that encourages rights and freedom, but when we choose to exercise these rights, we need to ask ourselves if we are enjoying our rights and freedoms at the expense of someone else's life and liberty. My birth mom put my needs and rights above her own, and it certainly wasn't an easy or convenient thing for her to do. Her self-sacrificial actions resulted in my life being spared, and today we can enjoy restoration and reunion with one another.

My point here is not to argue, judge or condemn, but rather to put a personal spin on what the pro-choice movement says about the value of my pre-born life, and essentially, of yours as well. The next time you support a view that claims unplanned pregnancies are disposable please think about the lives that have been graciously spared, or even think of me if you want to put a face to the anti-abortion cause, and thank God that not everyone is pro-choice, or exercises their "rights and freedom."

Forever grateful that my birth mom was pro-life.

Uniquely Blessed on Mother's Day

Recently I entered a local Mother's Day Contest in which I had to explain in 200 words or less why my mom is special. Those of you who have been following my blog know that condensing my story into less than 200 words is definitely a challenge! But here is my runner up entry:

"I not only have one special mother, but I am blessed to have two! 46 years ago, one of these wonderful women loved me enough to give me up in the hopes of offering me a life she was unable to provide for me at the time. The other special lady loved me enough to take me into her home in order to raise me and treat me as her own flesh and blood. Many years went by without my birth mom in my life, but just last year, I connected with her, and these two wonderful moms got to meet each other for the very first time last fall. Words just can't express the emotions and gratitude I felt that day when they could each thank the other for what they have done for me, and what they mean to each other. Although there is a physical distance that separates them (my birth mother is not from Canada), I am honoured to be the daughter that connects these two beautiful mothers. I am so uniquely blessed and thankful to God to be celebrating two moms this Mother's Day!"

This story may have placed second in the eyes of the local newspaper, but it will always be number one in my books.
I am definitely uniquely blessed.

I Have a Hope and a Future!

If there's one thing that this crazy journey of finding my birth mom has taught me is that wherever you are in life, or whatever circumstance you find yourself in, your story is not over yet. I've been writing from the perspective of an adopted child reunited with her biological mom, but really, my story could be any of yours. Your story might centre around loss of a child or a loved one, or an addiction that is wreaking havoc, it could be loneliness, unmet needs or dreams, it could be years of silent suffering due to depression or abuse. Whatever your situation, remember that God's not done with you yet. He has promised you a hope and a future when you trust in Him...His plans for you are good! Just come to Him, surrender your life, and let him wrap His loving arms around you.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope
and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11